How to make your server hate you

1. Ask for a drink refill. Then, when your server comes back, ask for one more thing that makes them run across the restaurant. Repeat at will.

2. Ask for a separate glass just of ice.

3. If your bill is $33.66, give your server $34.00 and ask for 34 cents back instead of just factoring that into the tip.

4. Inquire many times as to when your food will arrive, even though the restaurant is full of other people who have also ordered food.

5. Ask your server to "please hustle up our salad."

6. Ask for lemon or lime with water, soda, etc.

7. Ask for "just the brown bread."

8. Chat over coffee for 45 minutes after paying your bill.

9. Refrain from looking at your menu until 20 minutes after sitting down.

10. Stare at your server every time they come out of the kitchen as if you need something, then when they come by tell them you're just fine.

11. Go to the restaurant with a boring companion with whom you have nothing to talk about, so you look crabby and impatient throughout the meal.

12. Take a baby or a small child to the restaurant, and then rush your server when the child gets cranky.

13. Eat a relaxed, leisurely meal, and then inform your server you need to receive and eat your dessert in five minutes or you'll be late for a heretofore unmentioned engagement.

14. Take one bite of your meal and decide you do not like it. Tell your server you would like to order something else, and you expect the restaurant to buy the food you didn't like. After ordering a new dish, expect it to be placed in front of you in approximately 30 seconds.

15. When shown your table, ask if you could possibly sit somewhere else.

16. Order a cheeseburger with no cheese, no lettuce, no tomato, and no bun.

17. Order something that is not on the menu, but sounds good to eat.

18. Ask your server to turn the heat, lights, or music up/down.

People are way crazier than just this list- please contribute.

Thanks Billy Joel/ Twyla Tharp...

... keep movin' out. I felt like I was watching a feature-length version of the last scene of Center Stage (you've seen it, admit it). Only about Vietnam. That is all that needs to be said.

Bulk discount

People are rough, moreso when they are trying to save some money. A woman walked into the store today asking about jewelry boxes, and my mom and I proceeded to open up a box of brand new jewelry boxes that we had just gotten in. We dug through a couple dozen boxes to help her find what she wanted. We printed out the tags just for her. Then she said she'd think about it and left. 20 minutes later she came back and decided she wanted three jewelry boxes. These are not cheap, I admit, but I am generally of the mindset that if you don't want to pay for it or can't afford it, then don't buy it. Instead, she attempts to haggle the price with my mom. For brand new, not even out on the floor yet, silk jewelry boxes. My mom grudgingly offered five percent, and this woman tries to push for ten, "I'd really appreciate it, it would be very nice. On sale, they'd be at least 20 percent off, and I'm not asking for anything like that." I'm sorry, does the front entrace of the store look like a driveway, and are we suddenly at a garage sale? She finally agrees to the five percent. Keep haggling. Working retail and foodservice at the same time is maybe not the best idea, I get to see people at their worst/most ridiculous every day. Let's all learn the lesson that you learn someone's true character from how they treat the retail clerk/waitress.

Mommy's Store

Here are some items picked at random from what I knew the names of to search for pictures on the web, to give you a bit of an idea of what mommy's crazy, jam-packed gift store is like. There are purses, picture frames, chocolates, jewelry, glassware, plates, lamps, keychains, pins, candles, and millions more things. There is even a coffee cup that makes me think of Rachel McPhee (it will be pictured, you'll know it as soon as you see it).




Artichoke candle-mom loves artichokes, there are many forms of them around the store


This is brown velvet, there's a whole line of crazy beaded bags like this... there's actually a smaller brown velvet one with a little less beading and a beaded dragonfly, I love it, but I couldn't find a picture.

Spitting image, isn't it? If you can't read it, the packaging says "Ima Star." It even talks like Rachel!

Best tea ever... silk screen, pyramid shaped, and Oprah-endorsed. That Oprah can make anything sell.

This toffee comes with a "sample" bag, which sits in the storage closet. The customers may not sample it, but I have a little bit most days I'm here... Also, very artful toffee pic, huh? You really see how all these lovely natural elements combine to make delicious toffee.

Ok, I think that's all I can find on the internet right now. I should probably go do some work...

Why I'm always busy

When I don't have commitments that make me run around like a crazy person, I do absolutely nothing. I ran around this morning and then worked at the store this afternoon, and since then I have been glued to a chair in the kitchen, watching tv and playing around on the computer. I feel like a big lazy lump (although sex and the city on TBS was time well spent). This is why I have an inner need to be constantly overcommitted, I may be wiped out, but at least I feel somewhat productive. Maybe I'll go to the gym now, it is open 24 hours...

So on Adam Carolla's really boring show on comedy central, he really needs a laugh track or a live studio audience or something, because he's making bad jokes and then there's just dead silence. I'm imagining an entire audience, just sitting there, staring at him. Ok, I really really have to turn the tv off.