Some gems from the children (and a bit from me), but mostly just Alice

(After reading a story about looking at the Earth from space)
Alice: Ms. Ryan, is it true that the world's going to end one day?
Me: Yes, Alice, that's true. The sun will only last for so long. Eventually it will burn out, and Earth will get too cold for life to exist anymore.
Alice: Is that going to happen in our lifetime?
Me: No, not for hundreds of thousands of years. But who knows, lots of things could happen. We could have another ice age.
Alice: !

Um yeah, some kids are just fun to mess with... way to shake the foundation upon which a child's world is based...

4th Graders: Why do we have to learn cursive? It's hard!
Me: It's something you'll have to use as you get older (sometimes the children must be lied to).
Daniel: Yeah, like one day you'll need to write checks.

Me: Nick, I've told you three times to take that hat off.
Nick: I accidentally put it on!

Daniel, to Cameron: I dare you to go up to Isabelle and say "Hey, Dick Cheney, shoot anybody good lately?"

I overheard that and just about died right where I was standing... this was also like a week ago, it was not exactly topical anymore.


(At the Chicago Botanic Gardens, doing an art project)
Me: Boys, you're off the path, you're going to have to move and find another subject to draw.
Tom, who has just begun his picture: Aw man... guys, we have to find something purple!

God forbid he waste his half-inch circle of purple.

(During group work time in math)
Alice: Ms. Ryan, I need to go to the nurse, it's my head...
Me: What's wrong, Alice?
Alice: It's the noise, there's just too much noise, I'm kinda losing it!
Me: Alice, take a deep breath and go finish your work.

This kid is really something. She also didn't know what a landmark is, and was unaware of the existence of various national landmarks such as the grand canyon and old faithful. She also needs to get some spanks, stat- doesn't really get skirt etiquette. At the Botanic Gardens, she careened through a picnic area full of people in wheelchairs with cerebral palsy and various other disabilities and I can't believe she didn't take anyone out.

Hopefully these are actually amusing and not just "funny when you're there" (at least most of them, some I just like for their randomness). More installments shall surely follow, and I'm planning on starting a classroom blog in the fall. I know, I'm way too into this, I'm a total nerd, I'm ok with all that.