My face hurts

I turned off my alarm clock this morning and woke up 30 minutes late. I was almost to school when I hit a detour for an overturned SUV, which looked scary. At school the afternoon was the 5th grade picnic, and it was chilly and overcast. Because of this, the water activities were cancelled. Therefore, the children decided to be cranky and miserable and complained all afternoon. For the last 15 minutes, the sun came out, and I got a sunburn. I had a fitness consultation at the gym and found out that my body fat percentile is in the lowest 10%, which is bad (90% is the best). So I have a lot of unwanted fat floating around in my body.

It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I also read this (for those of you who don't read Savage Love):

Not satisfied with meddling in the lives of the relatively small percentage of women who are pregnant, the American Taliban is moving to regulate the lives of all American women.
"New federal guidelines ask all females capable of conceiving a baby treat themselves—and to be treated by the health care system—as pre-pregnant, regardless of whether they plan to get pregnant anytime soon," reports The Washington Post. "[T]his means all women between first menstrual period and menopause should take folic acid supplements, refrain from smoking, maintain a healthy weight and keep chronic conditions such as asthma and diabetes under control… [I]t's important that women follow this advice throughout their reproductive lives, because about half of pregnancies are unplanned and so much damage can be done to a fetus between conception and the time the pregnancy is confirmed."

Boo.

My new favorite thing (and some randomness)

6-pack abs class at my new gym (which is downstairs in my building, it's weird to feel so lazy and productive at the same time). Nothing but intense ab work for 30 minutes. I felt like I was gonna puke about 5 times. Awesome.

I'm joining a book club! Yet another benefit of craigslist. To date: a brazilian, a bed, a job, and a yuppie book club.

Snobby/"oh old people" moment, overhearing teachers in the hallway: "That blouse is adorable on you! Is that Chico's?" Yeah, I know my haute couture is Banana Republic, but still, ick. I will break that teacher= fashion victim mold.

Tomorrow is field day and Friday is the 5th grade picnic. I will spend the next two days schlepping reluctant/overenthused children from station to station as they balance eggs on spoons and spin around with their foreheads on bats. Countdown: 5 days and 1 closing hour.

Some gems from the children (and a bit from me), but mostly just Alice

(After reading a story about looking at the Earth from space)
Alice: Ms. Ryan, is it true that the world's going to end one day?
Me: Yes, Alice, that's true. The sun will only last for so long. Eventually it will burn out, and Earth will get too cold for life to exist anymore.
Alice: Is that going to happen in our lifetime?
Me: No, not for hundreds of thousands of years. But who knows, lots of things could happen. We could have another ice age.
Alice: !

Um yeah, some kids are just fun to mess with... way to shake the foundation upon which a child's world is based...

4th Graders: Why do we have to learn cursive? It's hard!
Me: It's something you'll have to use as you get older (sometimes the children must be lied to).
Daniel: Yeah, like one day you'll need to write checks.

Me: Nick, I've told you three times to take that hat off.
Nick: I accidentally put it on!

Daniel, to Cameron: I dare you to go up to Isabelle and say "Hey, Dick Cheney, shoot anybody good lately?"

I overheard that and just about died right where I was standing... this was also like a week ago, it was not exactly topical anymore.


(At the Chicago Botanic Gardens, doing an art project)
Me: Boys, you're off the path, you're going to have to move and find another subject to draw.
Tom, who has just begun his picture: Aw man... guys, we have to find something purple!

God forbid he waste his half-inch circle of purple.

(During group work time in math)
Alice: Ms. Ryan, I need to go to the nurse, it's my head...
Me: What's wrong, Alice?
Alice: It's the noise, there's just too much noise, I'm kinda losing it!
Me: Alice, take a deep breath and go finish your work.

This kid is really something. She also didn't know what a landmark is, and was unaware of the existence of various national landmarks such as the grand canyon and old faithful. She also needs to get some spanks, stat- doesn't really get skirt etiquette. At the Botanic Gardens, she careened through a picnic area full of people in wheelchairs with cerebral palsy and various other disabilities and I can't believe she didn't take anyone out.

Hopefully these are actually amusing and not just "funny when you're there" (at least most of them, some I just like for their randomness). More installments shall surely follow, and I'm planning on starting a classroom blog in the fall. I know, I'm way too into this, I'm a total nerd, I'm ok with all that.

wait, that's not right...

Taylor Hicks? This has sullied the name of American Idol even more than the sudden disappearance of Ruben Studdard after "Sorry 2004." What's that? American Idol is cheesy and boring and really just glorified karaoke? Good point. But I still got McPheever.

I HAVE A JOB!!!

Yes, that's right, I officially have a job as a classroom teacher! That's pretty much why I haven't posted for a long time, because I've been holding my breath for the past few weeks waiting to see how this was gonna go. I was offered the job tonight- 4th grade at Glen Grove school in Glenview, my hometown (aww). I'm working there right now as a long-term sub through the end of the school year, and it's been killing me being in the building every day and not knowing if I get to be there next year or not. But I do! I'm going to have my own classroom with my own bulletin boards and my own display window- Ms. Ryan's classroom! Ok, that's fully enough exclamation points, I know. I'm just a bit excited. Yay. I guess that's all.

Birthday!

It is time for the celebration of my 24th year of life, as well as my roomie2000, Marina. We will be starting the night out with dinner at The Hunt Club, 1100 N State St., Chicago, around 8pm on Friday (we should be there until at least 10). From there we will go wherever the alcohol guides us, many bars to choose from. Please join us if you can, I'd love to see my buddies. Call me at (847)530-2172 if you have any questions, need directions, or are getting there late and wanna see where we are. Happy birthday to me (and Marina)!

TMI?

FREE brazilian at a reputable Chicago spa.

Thanks Craigslist.